It can be extremely frustrating when you ask your child, “How was your day?” and all you get is: “FINE”! At LDT Learning Solutions we will uncover the story behind the “fine” and teach you how to get more out of asking your child about their day. Let’s make the journey home from school a memorable one with these simple tips.
Uncovering the Story Behind the “Fine”
Let’s have a look at the following questions and answer as you go:
- Have you eaten?
- Did you shower?
- Are you ready?
- How was work?
Now do the same with the following questions:
- What is your favourite meal to eat?
- Why do you prefer to shower than bath?
- What else do you need to do before leaving?
- What was a success at work today?
Did you notice a difference in your answers? The first four questions all required an one worded answer of yes or no. However the second group of questions asked very specific questions in which you were required to answer specifically and with more details. The exact same thing goes when you ask your child ” How was school?”. You have set your child up to respond with a yes/no one worded answer. In fact you probably do the same to your partner when they ask you how was work? long, frustrating, amazing, boring, exciting or possibly the dreaded FINE! So, now how do we change this?
Tip 1 to get more out of asking your child about their day:
Joanna Faber and Julie King, authors of How to talk when kids won’t listen, suggest that you “model the behaviour you want to see”. When your little one starts school or even when your taller than you teenager goes to grade 11, display an example of communication between you. Thus when you pick your child up from school ask questions like: would you like to know what I did today? if they reply yes, then you have the perfect platform to give a wholesome answer about your day. This modelled behaviour exposes your child to the type of answer they can give for “what did you do today?”. The more you practise this type of conversation the more equipped your child becomes about answering about their day.
Tip 1 Summary: Be an example to your child by giving wholesome answers about your day.
Tip 2 to get more out of asking your child about their day:
Acknowledgement instead of interrogating. When talking to your child, make sure to show empathy towards their feelings and try understand where they are coming from. It is a true blessing to have an open path of communication between you and your child. If you child opens up to you about something that happened at school, resist your urgent reflex to find out what, who, when, why and how. Rather be an active listener and simply hear what your child would like to share. The second you turn into investigating sergeant major, you child will stop sharing and go into autopilot mode and give one word answers to block serg out.
Tip 2 Summary: Be an activate listener by acknowledging than interrogating your child.
Tip 3 to get more out of asking your child about their day:
Picture this: you had the most stressful day at work, didn’t have time to eat or even drink one cup of coffee, your boss called and said let’s meet urgently tomorrow and now you got home to find out you are out of wine…” Sounds horrific right? Let’s continue, now you are about to sit down for the first time since this morning and then in comes a question… “how was your day?”. Now, I highly doubt that you would happily calm down and dive into the details of the day, instead you probably mumbled a 4 letter word. The same applies for your child after a long day at school, they may not be in the best mood to discuss their day as they jump into the car. So rather say to your child: “I would love to hear about your day today, when you are in the mood.” This way your child will not impulsively break out with a fine but rather when ready, they will come tell you about the delicious snack Max got and how funny the PE teacher was when he climbed through the window etc.
Tip 3 Summary: Allow your child the freedom to share when they are ready.
Ok so parents, are you ready to end the era of Fine and move into a dialogue with your child? Always remember that new behaviour takes time but you have us on the other side of your phone so please reach out if you have any questions or feedback.
